[A sigh.] It's okay, Kaidan. You don't have to be sorry - they were messing with your head. Not the same way my head was messed with, but you weren't yourself. So it wasn't you trying to hurt me. Not really.
[ A pause. ] I have to deal a lot with controlling myself. My powers can be pretty...bad. If I let them go. The fact that I did lose control, even if it's because of outside circumstances is... it's bad. I didn't want to put you into a position like that. Ever.
I get it. My powers are like that, too. [Except a bit more on the disastrous scale. Although a pissed off biotic is still nothing to sneeze at.] You didn't hurt me too badly. And besides, I attacked you, too.
[Even if he was the one who started it, it wasn't a one-sided fight.]
Well, I'm pretty sure I'd rather you hurt me than let me get away with it. Honestly. I mean, what would've happened, if I got away with that stuff? As far as I know, I just... might have hurt some people.
... Yeah, you probably would have. [Not trying to guilt him or anything, but it's what would have happened, with how he was acting.] But at least you're yourself again. So that's good.
Yeah. I just -- if you need something... [ He suspected, of course, it would take time. Hell, if it could be repaired at all. Kaidan didn't like it, but he was prepared for the possibility that it wouldn't be the same. ]
[... Wait. Okay, she probably should have been a bit more specific with what was bothering her]
It's not you! I'm not upset with you or anything like that. I know your head was being messed with, it'd be stupid to be angry at you when you weren't even you.
It's just other stuff that's been bothering me. [A sigh.] Somebody else spread around more information about people. You probably didn't see it because you were doing other acting weird. But I was one of them.
[The only difference being that, unlike the information Freddie had, everything leaked was actually true.]
And it's not even that that bugged me so much, but it kind of dealt with some other stuff that's been bothering me for a while.
[ There's a pause, and then a half-echoed pinging, like he's tapping away at something, and it reacts, and then there's a soft intake of air. Like he's surprised by what he sees. ]
FP, I'm -- that's not fair.
I'm sorry, I didn't know, I didn't even think to look -- you want to talk about it?
[ He thinks a lot of FP, the idea that she could burn down cities, well. He could see it, he really could. He suspected that it was very well possible, that she could do it. The question was, did she do it on purpose. He didn't think she could. ]
Sometimes we -- I don't know, we can't always help the things that happen to us. Sometimes things happen that we aren't proud of. That doesn't mean that someone should be going around revealing your past to the world.
[ He thinks, for just a moment, that he's probably being a hypocrite. About FP's past, and the one that he suspects of the Cerberus crew here. ]
It's because I was angry. [To put it lightly.] And one time it was because I really liked someone. [Thankfully, she doesn't have to worry about burning through the planet while she's here.]
I can control myself when I think clearly, but when I'm really angry, or just feel too much of anything, I become even more dangerous. I don't think and I just burn stuff down.
[ There's a pause. Did Kaidan know that? Well, he wasn't burning through planets, but... well, losing control out of anger? Because he liked someone? Yeah, he understood that one. Probably a lot better than most figured he would. ]
I don't think anyone really understands what it's like, to hold onto that kind of control. It's a lot of work, but until you have to keep that...you don't really get why it's so hard.
It is hard. [It really, really is.] But we're still responsible for all the stuff we do, Kaidan.
It's one thing if somebody does some gronked-up stuff because someone messed with their head. That's not something they can help.
But freaking out and hurting people because I was angry, or confused, or all the other stuff I was feeling doesn't change the fact that I still did all that junk.
[ She can't see the bitter smile on his face, but it's there. ]
Exactly. But... we can't linger on it either. It happened. It's already done with. It's more important to figure out is that the person we want to be, or do we want to be someone better? How do we move past it, learn to have that kind of control for good, so it doesn't happen again.
I know, but even if you can normally keep yourself under control, it still only takes one freak-out to really jack things up. [Especially with powers like hers.]
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And no, not really. [Physically, she's fine. So there's that. But um.] I guess you're back to normal now?
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They infected me with something, I wasn't --
I got someone's memories, and they tried to... I don't know how it works. I wanted to see if you were, alright. I'm... sorry, for what I did.
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[ A pause. ] I have to deal a lot with controlling myself. My powers can be pretty...bad. If I let them go. The fact that I did lose control, even if it's because of outside circumstances is... it's bad. I didn't want to put you into a position like that. Ever.
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[Even if he was the one who started it, it wasn't a one-sided fight.]
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Stuff. [Yeah.] I don't know.
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Yeah. I just -- if you need something... [ He suspected, of course, it would take time. Hell, if it could be repaired at all. Kaidan didn't like it, but he was prepared for the possibility that it wouldn't be the same. ]
Or if you ever want -- Never mind.
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It's not you! I'm not upset with you or anything like that. I know your head was being messed with, it'd be stupid to be angry at you when you weren't even you.
It's just other stuff that's been bothering me. [A sigh.] Somebody else spread around more information about people. You probably didn't see it because you were doing other acting weird. But I was one of them.
[The only difference being that, unlike the information Freddie had, everything leaked was actually true.]
And it's not even that that bugged me so much, but it kind of dealt with some other stuff that's been bothering me for a while.
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FP, I'm -- that's not fair.
I'm sorry, I didn't know, I didn't even think to look -- you want to talk about it?
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[She was angry before, but that was mostly because of, well. A bunch of things, honestly. But now she's just...
Yeah, she doesn't really know how she's been feeling, beyond 'not that good'.] I mean, it's not like they were lying about any of it.
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[ He thinks a lot of FP, the idea that she could burn down cities, well. He could see it, he really could. He suspected that it was very well possible, that she could do it. The question was, did she do it on purpose. He didn't think she could. ]
Sometimes we -- I don't know, we can't always help the things that happen to us. Sometimes things happen that we aren't proud of. That doesn't mean that someone should be going around revealing your past to the world.
[ He thinks, for just a moment, that he's probably being a hypocrite. About FP's past, and the one that he suspects of the Cerberus crew here. ]
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I can control myself when I think clearly, but when I'm really angry, or just feel too much of anything, I become even more dangerous. I don't think and I just burn stuff down.
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I don't think anyone really understands what it's like, to hold onto that kind of control. It's a lot of work, but until you have to keep that...you don't really get why it's so hard.
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It's one thing if somebody does some gronked-up stuff because someone messed with their head. That's not something they can help.
But freaking out and hurting people because I was angry, or confused, or all the other stuff I was feeling doesn't change the fact that I still did all that junk.
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Exactly. But... we can't linger on it either. It happened. It's already done with. It's more important to figure out is that the person we want to be, or do we want to be someone better? How do we move past it, learn to have that kind of control for good, so it doesn't happen again.
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Which is...easier said than done, I know.
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And hope that nothing comes along to shake it.
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I hope so. I mean, I haven't done anything major while I've been here. That's something, right?
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